I didn’t meet my deadline last week. I had promised myself that I would publish every Friday. And I didn’t do it. And that sucks.
To be fair, my fertility cycle started on Monday, and it left me completely drained, as usual. Also, Monday is supposed to be my resting day, so I rested.
Tuesday and Wednesday were snow days. Snow days are awesome when you’re a kid; and even when you’re a grown up, if they are actually ‘snow’ days. Lately we’ve been getting ‘freezing rain days’ which are definitely NOT the same thing. Tuesday is supposed to be my administrative tasks day, so THAT didn’t happen because my 8 and 10 year old boys were both in the house all day.
Wednesday night my DH and I got into a heated argument about parenting, which soured my Thursday completely. Every time we have a big disagreement I think my marriage is OVER and I’m going to have to figure out how to care for myself and my children from now on. Every time. And it doesn’t matter that I can recognize the pattern right now because that is not helpful when I am IN IT. So Thursday I spent the day writing… which is what I was supposed to be doing, except that I was writing to my husband. I wrote 986 words. Awesome words. But I won’t publish them because they’re too personal.
By Friday, when my husband was off for the day and we had appointments all day long, I was quite finished. Even the evening with friends watching “The Room” wasn’t enough to restore me. By 10:30pm my system was shutting down with exhaustion.
Overall, last week kicked me in the ovaries, repeatedly.
Saturday morning we all got up and packed up the van to go visit my Aunt and her family up north. We had planned it since after Christmas, and I am so glad we went. We had an awesome time tobogganing and skating, and we even roasted hot dogs on their wood fireplace (a FIRST for them!). Their dog, Louis is some kind of a brown sweet-tempered long-haired Spaniel, and he helped make my weekend by keeping my boys busy so I could chat with my Aunt.
On the way home the sun was shining and the roads were clear. I felt optimistic and happy heading south on Hwy 400; but after we had been home for about a hour I was overwhelmed again. This house, the chores, the reality of life; it all came back in a rush.
Sometimes life is just really challenging. And I missed my deadline. But I guess it doesn’t mean I have to give up. I could just accept that sometimes my commitments will be nearly impossible to meet and be okay with that and keep on plugging away at it anyway. That’s definitely a growth edge for me.
So here is my post, four days late and almost completely unedited…. I hope you like it.